When we were young, most of the people we knew were part of our family and some friends of family. As we ventured out, went to school and college, we tried building relationships outside our families, while frequently reminding ourselves that any relationship beyond kinship, should have a similar role and importance, otherwise why would we need to have bonds outside family and beyond what we already have.
While growing up this explanation changed as we met more people from different phases of life and saw how they perceived relationships outside family. We gradually unlearned certain tenets of relationship which we had them so deeply ingrained within us. It took us time, but we did what we could do best to not get into any trouble or get hurt.
While we were still learning and unlearning about friendships/relationships, a sudden, new-age relationship emerged, which I’d like to call as Absentee Relationship – this again has a varied degree of customization among people. In this, you are not sure till what extent you can consider someone to be your friend or well-wisher, because their presence swings between being there and not being there.
They are there when everything is favorable, going steady and well, and everyone is having fun, smiling. They are there when there’s no inconvenience caused to either of you. They are not there when either of you are not okay, on gloomy days, or when it’s too much of an effort to be present. This kind of relationship rock in a boat which could be tagged as:
‘Be not much involved, be not much attached, just hang in there.’
As a child, I would never have understood how this would work. How can friends be there but not mean much? How can you not count on somebody when the going gets tough? But as an adult, we understand that it’s not always possible to walk the talk. Sometimes, you got to give it to people and expect to see them only during good times.
It took me few years to understand and consequently show this kind of absenteeism. Yes, I have done it too. With time I have learned and saw how it is done. I am not so proud to say this, but I have often found myself doing the same, thinking even I did not have anyone when I needed someone. We got to fight our own fight, we got to protect ourselves, right? But is it justified to do the same thing which once disappointed us?
Beautifully penned!!! No, we surely shouldn’t do the “absenteeism”! Having said that, we’d rather build bonds where we truly won’t feel like being absent either; we’d want to be there through thick and thin! That could mean less friends, but certainly true ones (coming from personal experiences)! I loved your piece! 😊